if i was a bell, which i'm surely not--what a ridiculous thought--

[subsidence]

they don't say much to me here as they seem afraid to do so
but they do say that you're not often home these days

a very busy man, they tell me
always hard at work
but they tell me little else

hard at work as you are, have you any time?

Comments

[embankment]

[It's currently far below freezing outside--another miserable, soul-crushing season of winter. It doesn't make any sense that his office should be boiling.]

I asked Him to give me everything.

Hot flesh and blood included.

[subsidence]

i am not mocking you when i say that it is not him who walked me here. i am the one who brought all that i am back to the city.
i did it late and i did it poorly.
but it was me.

and if anyone is going to give it to you twill only be me as well.

here. you've told me only one of your prayers and it's one i could easily answer.

[embankment]

You are the most indelicate man I have ever had the displeasure of meeting.

[He could leave it here. He should leave it here. He has barely made a dent in this mountain of paperwork and his forehead is dripping with sweat. His forehead is dripping. He should...]

When I believed you to be dead, I felt as though I too deserved death.

Is that what you want to hear?

Is that enough for your greedy gullet?

[subsidence]

it isn't. you said you spoke to him for 3 years. you didn't only tell him that.

[embankment]

I told Him all the things I would be ashamed to tell you. Leave me to the shreds of my pride, if you would.

[subsidence]

when i returned here, my endeavor was to refrain from leaving you to mere shreds of anything.

[embankment]

Looking to fill me back up, are you? This ewer of yours had best be prepared for an eternity of pouring.

[subsidence]

[To be granted a remark like that is, at once, an undeniable relief--and a greater strain, a tauter tension.]

i won't let porcelain outpace me.

[embankment]

[...

If a written message can be tentative, then this one will be:]

You were being serious, then.

[subsidence]

and why wouldn't i be serious? where you have been made to contend with grief i must contend with the weight and the breadth of the time i did surrender
this i can accept
time is a material as i've said
whether the choice to use it was noble or foul, i did use it

but now i am also held to wrestle with the knowledge that it has been granted unto someone else

[embankment]

[Insanity.

There is no other word for it. For this blatant display of...

It's insanity.]

You are indeed envious toward the porcelain statuette of Saint Estinien of Ferndale that I keep on my bedside table. Do I have the right of it?

[So why, pray tell, is Aymeric smiling about it?]

[subsidence]

[There comes a point where a man cannot be expected to relinquish his pride to the role of low-hanging fruit. There comes a point where the branch must snap.]

for someone rubbed so raw by perceived mockery you indulge in plenty of it yourself.

yet it's entirely your own concoction.
my envy of that thing is only as great as your favoritism toward it.

[embankment]

You will have to forgive me for having a spot of fun at your expense... I'd nearly forgotten what it was like to live alongside you, with your gracelessness, your astuteness, your tender sensibilities. I'd nearly forgotten the whole and the parts of you in an effort to protect myself from the horrors of being left without you.

Estinien, I missed you so dearly.

[subsidence]

i'm sure you are quite tired of missing me. well you needn't now. there is plenty i want to make you feel. not that you miss me or that you deserve the same as what you believed became of me. plenty else.

[embankment]

Heed my words: Whether you take an ilm of me, or a malm, or the distance from here to the highest heavens, I shall hunt you to the ends of this godsforsaken star should you choose to leave me again.

Have I made myself clear?

[subsidence]

now i will feel poorly if you don't.

i've asked your gods-fearing men and women when to expect you these days and they all counsel me not to. apparently tis just hard to know for this reason or that reason. so i will ask you directly

when am i to expect you home, aymeric?

[embankment]

There is a part of me that wants and wishes to know for how long you would be willing to wait.

[subsidence]

you had 3 years of prayer and my old clothes besides. i had my hand.
if you think i've not been patient as a saint already why don't you give it another thought.

[embankment]

You scoundrel. How am I to get any work done when you are busy running that mouth of yours?

[But that doesn't answer the question posed. Am I stalling? he has to ask himself, and then he realizes just how fretfully his toes are curling up inside his boots. Unbelievable...]

Oh, by the tenth bell. No later than that.

[subsidence]

[It occurs to Estinien all at once that Aymeric will hold him tonight. The time between now and the tenth bell, then, is more of a gift than Estinien will voice. It wouldn't do to have Aymeric walk right in and see Estinien's chin trembling.

Better to give himself fully to the heat of this, then.]

this is hardly what i would call running it. you've grown unaccustomed to such remarks. that's a shame as you warrant much more from a scoundrel's mouth.

[embankment]

And here I was beginning to wonder if you had learned a lesson in humility!

[Estinien on eggshells--it was strange, and uncomfortable, and Aymeric didn't enjoy a whit of it. Better the devil you know, he supposes...]

[subsidence]

the idea of teaching me any lesson is an appealing one isn't it
i can tell

[embankment]

I should have taught you the proper respect a long, long time ago.

[subsidence]

i hold great respect for my Lord Commander. tis for this reason that i give you the pleasure of meeting with a running mouth rather than a meek one.

there is much and more that i have missed giving you.
and the pauses between them
well they have always been broad.

[embankment]

[...]

By the eighth bell, I should think. Provided of course that I wholly devote myself to my work from this moment forward.